A belated birthday post.
I’ve never been the biggest birthday person. The biggest part of birthdays when you’re a kid (and maybe after that too) are, of course, the wrapped boxes with shiny bows on top. And its supposed to be like a bonus when you’re an only child. More toys, no sharing – supposedly a pretty sweet gig. I share this story in my defense of being a not-so-spoiled only child slash not-so-big birthday celebrator. I just don’t think I’ve been trained that well in the art of gift-giving, or really fully experienced the ‘fun’ element of getting gifts. When I was in the fourth grade my best friend’s mom and my own discovered these 5th grade books. Think SAT prep books……..but for the 5th grade. My mom made me give one to my best friend for her birthday. Then, surprise surprise, guess what I got for my birthday two months later. From then on, I learned the practice of “practicality.” My mom knew how it went in giving me presents. She told me if she got me what I wanted, in six months I wouldn’t want it anymore, or it would disappear. So it saved her money and saved me from accumulating more ‘junk.’ Oh, and it didn’t get much better from my dad’s side. My dad thought that my generation of video games were mind-sucking, brain cell killers, so I kicked it old school, Atari-style. With a joystick and pixelated goodness I became the master of games like Pong, Space Invaders, and Centipede.
Thank goodness I had friends. Friends whose parents didn’t make their kids give me 5th grade prep books and parents who let their kids play up-to-date video games (super nintendo and sega genesis, baybay). Oh man, but my niece had a Sega Game Gear…I can hear the music to Sonic the Hedgehog playing in my head, as well as vivid memories of getting frustrated with the golf game she had. So I managed, just like any kid does…through friends. I did manage to have many a fun birthday party, so my life was never fully devoid of getting something I actually wanted.
Fast forward to this past year. With having lived another year of life, as well as this calendar year coming to an end, its good to reflect. Its hard for me to rewind and think about what all has happened this past year. Its obviously been a monumental one, turning the overly-hyped 21, achieving an appropriately-hyped college education, and now, being a part of a new adventure. Of course, I first turn to my trusty resource, o beloved xanga, for remembering where I was at exactly a year ago. Its fun (in a ‘this makes me cringe’ kinda way) to look back at past journal/xanga entries. What I was feeling last year, the year before that. One thing I’ve realized though, is how effing emo college kids are. Or just how amazingly emo I was. I look back at my xanga, and I see deep, raw parts of my soul splattered all over the screen. I am embarrassed that I ever wrote such things. Not because they weren’t true, but because of how true they were. A lot of straight up rambling. Whatever I was thinking, streamed right from my emo thoughts, down my shoulders and arms right to my fingertips, and onto my xanga. I don’t know what it was, but for some reason the feeling that my world was going to crash and burn into eternity crossed my mind way too often in college. At times, I seriously thought my life was more pathetic than dirt. My xanga entries can prove that. So the overall conclusion: I’m learning. A lot. About life. Even more about myself. All of this has given me just a little more of a beautiful thing called perspective (which I still do not have a lot of…but I’m finally starting to learn how it works).
So, although it used to really annoy me (it still sort of does) when people would hear how old I was and blurt out those words every 40 yr old wishes people would say at their birthday… “You’re YOUNG!”, it has taken me getting older to realize that…I am still pretty young. Even though I know I’m young, I don’t always feel young. Or old. I feel 22. Despite the lame birthday celebrator that I may be, now that I am physically apart from many of my closest friends, I wish I could have a celebration just so I could eat drink and be merry with mah homies. All my birthday really makes me think is, I love my friends. I know, I’m only saying this after having received copious amounts of birthday wishes on my facebook wall. But from before when I used to get cynical and want to delete my birthday from my profile so as to take as much spotlight off of the day as possible, as much as I still don’t like the idea of celebrating my day of birth, I really do wish I could have spent it with my closest friends. Since life happens and doesn’t always grant us the luxury of having people appear at a snap of the fingers, phone calls, birthday cards, and facebook wishes mean that much more to me. Friends, I love you! And as for mom…I don’t know why but she started giving me birthday presents once I left for college. I guess we both are stubborn and have a hard time appreciating things when they’re right there in front of us. A common occurrence, I’m just thankful that things like that do change.
